by name

Somebody shared a saying with me that struck a chord.

A mother instinctively protects her child. A grieving mother instinctively protects her child’s memory.

Few things have been so poignantly accurate for me in any part of this horrible journey. Tony and I talked about it today. About sharing the video of our Julys (the 4th and the garlic festival) with her, with family..We talked about how scary it is to know that people won’t always be willing or wanting to sit down and give 10 minutes of a celebration to her.

We are now surrounded by child loss.. although it is a club nobody wants to join it is a club that is tight with its members. And everybody I have talked to shares stories about how and when it happens to them.

I am actually going to keep this blog really short.. I want to write to my family tonight. To be really clear about my fears and our desires.. and to ask about theirs as well.

But I want to share publicly. Say the child’s name.

If you know somebody that has lost their child and you care for them. Say the child’s name. ..find ways to  include them in holidays and celebrations ..

If you are getting married and the child would have likely been part of it include them in your program.  Because there will never be a wedding I go to that I won’t cry for her.. even my own children’s weddings I will cry for them and for the one that is forever absent.

If you would have gotten them a gift for Christmas or Hanukkah make a donation in the child’s name. I always try hard not to say “I know how it will be” for anything because everything changes .. but some things I truly know…I know 25 years from now..watching my grandchildren open their gifts I will miss her. I will think of her.

So just do something.. to let them know that their baby was thought of and remembered ..

and missed.

by name.

 …until there is a cure