only wish

I miss her so much. I can’t even find the words to explain it.

 

But I need to write. I cant see the screen but I have a compulsion to write.. .

this grief ….

my right now. its crushing.. .so overwhelming

It sucks the air out of the room and out of me.

I’ve always been able to power through things…even the seemingly worst of things. Because I knew I could find a way out. Find a way to turn things around.

If I just kept going…searching…pushing ahead..

I never can with this.

She is never coming back.

..never.coming.back.

I can’t make it happen. I can’t fix this.

She is gone. My heart feels like its being pulled out of my chest.

…please let her come back.

i know. tonight I really to my depths.

truth known. . .

know she can’t.

. . she won’t .

I’m not angry. I’m not mad.

I am empty…
I am destroyed.

I want to run and hide. But I need to share. Its just horrible. Even when she was sick…dying…. I thought I knew how hard it would be…

I had no idea. NONE.

I will never find the words to describe it..

my only wish is for my daughter not to be dead.