Sometimes its shocking how deep the pain is. I know that sounds ridiculous. All of this journey is wildly different than I thought it would be… Yesterday we were struggling.. as a couple.. as parents… as people. Some friends must have just sensed it and taken our boys for a few hours. We needed that […]
I am so tired tonight.. just feeling drained and gutted.. angry.. weak.. tired. Its the mundane day to day that’s doing it to me. I miss her. More and more each and every day. How is that even possible? Every night I go to bed thinking its got to get better… this has to be […]
This music video pretty much sums it up.. Here Unreal that I have been both the adults in the video in my life… begging for the life in my arms.. and letting go of it after only 6 yrs.. at least thats my interpretation
Here is the event in photos!! It was amazing. I met some amazing people. Ran my best time. And enjoyed seeing my boys happy. Thanks so much to Arms Wide Open for giving us this opportunity. My niece and her friend gave up the better part of a Sunday to run our booth! Some […]
I am reaching for her. Always so desperate to try to connect to her. Its been a slow build over the past few days to the point of all consuming… My boys really wanted a party for Charlotte. So we threw something together last minute for her on Friday, a few days after her birthday. […]
I had a post in my head ..about 5ks and butterflies… but that will have to come another time.. this is all that is on my mind since this morning. I got on FB and saw my friends post about it being her daughters birthday.. in heaven. I used to feel for other people. I […]
Will it matter in a month? That’s it for me. That is the parenting question to end all questions. Last night Nicholas was being really disobedient. . He was warned. He lost 2 lesser valued objects. All that was left was his “friend” (his lovie .. his version of pinkie) and his pacifier. (that he […]
I am a living breathing nightmare. “I’m sorry you are living this nightmare” That’s the only words I have for other parents when their children die.. I can even say it when its been years and years .. I am going to venture a guess.. by the hollow I see exposed when they know that […]
I woke.. just a few minutes before the birthday girl. Those moments alone were so necessary. I went to her and wished her a happy birthday… I tried to steel myself for the onslaught of the day. We waited for the boys to wake up then we went together to see what we had decorated […]
Today was hard.. at different times for different reasons. This morning I woke with the elephant on my chest… one was missing. Tony and Jonathan got me a gift to symbolize all 4 kids. We ate breakfast together.. Then I felt it coming. .. I asked him to take the boys out while Charlotte napped […]
